Breaking forward....

I discovered Hong Yi's work recently and have fallen in love with the whimsy and delight in the ordinary.  I've been thinking about passion.  My heart can feel too big for my body.  As if the emotions I hold don't fit.  I try to fit them in - squishing them to stay in place.  And my brain on this never ending wheel - trying to understand and sort through things.  

Hong Yi's work is simple and her idea is again simple.  To let go and just create - without fears.  Breaking forward - creating.  Letting go of the fears that hold us back.  I don't watch horror films.  I can't.  My imagination can't hold scary - it already imagines fearful things too easily.

 I like to make people happy - to fit into the molds that people see.  But I often see boxes connecting - boxes that don't often get connected.  Yet there can be so much fear when we see new or different connections.  I left graduate school not sure of what acting was going to look like.  I feared even calling myself an actor. Because what I imagined didn't fit into anyones box.   This February Lara Lynn Cottrill and I performed Song of Songs.  A piece I have dreamed about for a long time.  A piece that we made our own.  A piece that we said we would fall in love with first.  And it was freeing.  It was a crazy piece of disconnected boxes that we wove together to make uniquely our own. 

And I see myself at a cross-roads.  The choice to let go of fear of not doing this performance journey the 'right' way.  To break forward and just make.  To step into the ordinary.  To step forward with what I have.  The unique fingerprint my life brings to the world and connect odd pieces of life.  When I see Hong Yi throwing away her paint brushes - it helps me to let go and make things - pieces that don't fit any description.  Pieces that are me stepping forward.   

I don't know what all the mismatched pieces of my life will make - but I'm piecing them together in a mosaic - a mad magpie mosaic of life filled with the passion that pours through.  Passion that I don't want to be crushed by the sorrows of life.  Passion that I want to share and I hope gives others a dream to find passion in their hearts and lives.   I fight against the bitterness that can come through time when sorrow and life meets us - I fight to keep the whimsy, delight and passion alive.  To create.  To break forward with light.  To break through without fear.  To dance free.