I think what most of us want to hear about creating is a clear five step plan. Do these things and you're brilliant.
At least some days that's what I want. A clear five step plan of how to proceed and what to do - coffee in hand.
Creating instead makes me feel crazy. Not brilliant, though there are those moments when I think I've created something brilliant and then I come back a day or so later to realize it's really just crap.
Because honestly I am a little crazy. It's crazy to write a show and perform in it with fellow artists. It's crazy to find venues and artists to work with. It's crazy to rehearse something new.
And in the midst of trying not to be too crazy I get glimmers of good things. Moments when I get a little shiver up my spine telling me this is crazy and good, though mostly crazy.
But I keep thinking - Why not?
So often my reasons for not creating are simply fears. Reasons why I don't want to do something hard and new that might change me. Something that might fail.
But life is full of these moments. Full of choices to sit with the known - or the choice to say - What if?
Change is hard. Creating is messy. Creating is more than the little sound bites and pretty pictures. But so is life. Life is messy. Especially when our five step expected plans get pushed aside.
I still have my coffee in hand but it's stirred with a whole lot of mess.
So...here's to trying to love the mess.
Here's to all the people who love me in the mess.
Here's to choosing hope instead of bitterness.
Here's to the long to do list in front of me.
Here's to a little silliness when life is feeling upside down.
Here's to the mess....